Thoughts about Suicide

It’s such a shame that in today’s society, suicide is a very common cause of death for teenagers.They call it an accident, something that was a mistake, not meant to happen.But what does this really mean about a society? Our teenagers, our children, have so little joy in their lives, and so much pain, that they simply wish to end it… Perhaps we are all too hard on them. It is so common to make disparaging remarks about troubled teens, so “misunderstood” by their parents. They don’t seem to fit in, and are having difficulties with friends… As varying levels of maturity lead to a sort of feed-them-to-the-wolves mentality… Well really it’s incredibly difficult to be a teenager in today’s society. To be old enough to make one’s own decisions, but to be forced into an institution full of dictators, some of whom enjoy watching people suffer, and that is why they have chosen the teaching profession.. And some who insanely believe in the grading system, and the punishment system, teachers who believe that teenagers are children who must be molded by force, into obedient creatures. The teenager is subject to overly critical minute differences that their identity depends on. Because so many teenagers are crammed into one school, there is extreme competition to make it and be noticed as an individual. Some adolescents specialize into certain nerdy outlooks, and some refuse to buy into the system. However, many teenagers buy into the system through which they are indoctrinated: the one that says you must be a star athlete, extremely beautiful, or a genius in order to make it in the world. Minute details, such as who one goes to the prom with, whether they got one answer right on the exam, whether or not they make it to the finish line before the other guy does… It puts every student against one another in a tight gridlock of competition, that leaves no room for true individuality. Individuality is instead considered a negative trait, as teenagers build up their resumes for success in the future… Their future success, they are told, depends upon every small move. They are also taught that forgiveness is nonexistent in our culture. Every time you get an answer wrong, you get points taken off. Life is made into a game, a game that is meaningless in the end. Life is made into a pain, and not a passion. The meaninglessness of the vast majority of effort that is put into teenage life really weighs on teenagers. When one cannot contribute to the world, but can only take for themselves, in the hopes of changing the world some day far in the future, people start to self-destruct. When what one does in school doesn’t matter to the rest of the world, and teenage relationships are ephemeral, and all of this will end leaving people crippled in the sense that they never had a chance to think for themselves before… It really hurts teenagers. Teenagers need freedom. They need meaning in their lives so much, and they have none. They are worked until they are spiritually bankrupt and truly do not know who they are anymore. Throw in sexual rejection, confusion, or rape… Throw in drugs… Teenagers have a lot to deal with, and it’s totally unfair that they are not treated as individuals, and forced into stereotypes that few kids will fit perfectly. And this is supposed to determine the rest of their lives? Every day I am angry and traumatized by high school, and I am 24 years old. How much longer am I going to feel wronged, traumatized? I attempted suicide in high school because I lost my identity: my 4.0 GPA, when I had homeworked teamed and clubbed the spirit right out of my body. It is so wrong when spirit has to be a social thing. Ever since I was young, I’d highly valued the spiritual life, the light, the spark… This spark is gone from teenagers today. It’s school spirit, or church band, or some other inane thing that zaps the soul out of teenagers… Who are essentially children who have sold their souls to the system that enslaves them, the one that tells them that the only way to be successful is to go to a good college. The one that says to go into business, you need to go to business school. Our teachers are insane. Our system is insane. Our teenagers, middle schoolers, and elementary aged children, as well as the preschool children should not grow up like a herd of cattle, all scraping for some attention, and some love, and a lasting place in society. Our kids should not be forced into things, like coloring, if they don’t want to do it. It’s okay for children to have individual interests. It’s okay if your child doesn’t want to do band, but likes art. It’s okay if they just don’t feel like it. Now that I’m older, I realize that there were a lot more lives, a lot more avenues open to me than I’d ever realized before. I never knew that I didn’t have to be the greatest something ever, and that I could live a humble life. I never knew that all you really needed was enough money to pay the bills, and then no one could ever bother you about things. I knew that there was a lot more to life that school, but I was taught that that stuff was unimportant. I should have spent more time enjoying myself and less time pleasing other people. I should not have bought into the system. I never should have tried to get a 4.0 in high school: I should have tried to follow my heart, no matter where that lead me. I should still do that, and awaken the part of me that feels dead, emaciated by a lack of love and attention, starved for meaning and truth… I should stop worrying about any of that, and just pay the bills. If that had happened to me today, I might have reverted back to an earlier and more primordial state of enjoying life merely as I desired. I am about to go to work, and I’m going to take some drugs before I go.