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Setting Limits and Boundaries

We all have our own personal limits and boundaries; what we accept, how we will do something, or who we will associate to name a few. Limits and boundaries most recently are playing a big role in my life as my kids get older. My last post is based around following the house rules, setting limits and boundaries, and as a parent taking control of our own lives. This past week I have had a tough time accepting others limits and boundaries and how my limits may affect other people in our home. For example my husband and I have very different limits and boundaries and at the same time it is important for both of us to honor each others feelings. This holds true not only raising our teens but in other aspects of our life such as cleanliness.  I live in a house full of boys, I am the only girl (women). What they think is clean and I think is clean is worlds apart. For me to live in this house and be sane it must be somewhat picked up and cleaned. Everyone seems to “put up” with me on this point  and I have to let go at the same time, this is one difference in limits and boundaries. I remember being in a group therapy session with parents of troubled teens, and the facilitators / therapists were discussing when our kids discharged  from the RTC how we, the parents, needed to keep the structure once they returned home  and giving us tips on how to do it. One example was for them to be held accountable to make their own beds in the morning, a pretty simple task. One parents comment was, “I don’t even make my own bed in the morning let a lone setting the rule for my son”. This is another good  example of differences in setting  limits and boundaries. It comes down to what you can live with and what you cannot. There really is no right or wrong answer. Now our teens turn the magic age of 18 and as parents we no longer are in the drivers seat when it comes to making fundamental decisions. If they don’t like what we offer, they can walk out the door and there is nothing we can do about it. No longer is it child abuse because they are now adults. This is something I am struggling with, differences in limits and boundaries and what I can live with. This is where I need your help and would love to hear how other families handle these issues especially those with teens over 18. I also have a 16 year old living at home and would like to hear from those with teens under 18. Help me, what are your limits and boundaries with your teens? If you live in a two parent household, do both parents always agree on the same limits and boundaries? If you don’t agree how do you handle it?  Any other advice would be appreciated.

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